Get your eyes of my thighs.

Get your eyes of my thighs.

It’s darker than a black hole’s butthole in here.

It’s darker than a black hole’s butthole in here.

Some haircuts are just trendy, but diamonds are forever.

Some haircuts are just trendy, but diamonds are forever.

But enough about me, how was your holiday weekend?

But enough about me, how was your holiday weekend?

Show off your shark bait.

Show off your shark bait.

Not to mention the sharts that wrecked my shorts.

Not to mention the sharts that wrecked my shorts.

Scrote splitters.

Scrote splitters.

I’ve never seen Stanley naked, but judging by his cup he’s got a helluva hose.

I’ve never seen Stanley naked, but judging by his cup he’s got a helluva hose.

Just like most of the world’s population, right? Oh, they don’t? Oh.

Just like most of the world’s population, right? Oh, they don’t? Oh.

You can’t spell A STUD without STD & USA.

You can’t spell A STUD without STD & USA.

Stay weird, America. Happy 4th of July from Baseball Card Vandals.

Stay weird, America. Happy 4th of July from Baseball Card Vandals.

Girl you look good.

Girl you look good.

Yeah, it’s affecting your speech.

Yeah, it’s affecting your speech.

But she’s sleeping with some other dude.

But she’s sleeping with some other dude.

I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS, GODDAMMIT!

I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS, GODDAMMIT!